reliance on technology = pathetic, weak

So my phone died. For real. All the way. I was milking the orange box for a while. And then the red. Then I turned if off for a bit. But I always knew I could turn it back on in a pinch.

I mean, it's a razor. Come on.

My lease is up on Sunday, the apartment is a mess, and I've been sick for nine days. Sick enough to go to urgent care and then get rejected by a bitchy ass nurse because I didn't have my insurance card on me and don't have $160 to see a doctor.

That charger is in my damn apartment. But between the unfortunate toilet incident that my daddy had to fix and the unruly hooligans my bff Mary invited over, I just don't know where to look anymore.

So it's dead. Friday night, on my way home, sad little gleams of red remind me to make my big weekend plans (ha! mint chocolate chip or pralines n' cream?). I send a final text to Maggie, inviting her to a bbq at ODB's the next day. Note: self-coined nicknames not cool. But it'll do.

As I send the text, I wonder...

Where is the bbq? hmnn.

When is it? hmnn.

What is the expiration date on Corona, and should I bring my skunked beer anyway?

All questions for the host, but alas, one "message sent" and then pfft. Like a wee little fart.
(Something I had to come to terms with after the aforementioned toilet incident.)


Saturday morning. Loneliest morning ever.

Does Maggie think I'm blowing her off? Where does ODB live? And will the people I normally blow off believe me this time? (ahem...daddy)

In a last attempt, I switch her on (for the time being, the razor has gained a female pronoun for being such a heinous bitch). She flickered: "one text message, one new voicemail," and then off.

What a tease. Oh, and then my Internet went out.

The thought of taking the metro, using an actual retro phonebook, tracking down my parents, getting the car, finding ODB - the dirty bastard, carrying around skunked beer, and maybe making it to the BBQ - all without a phone - was too much for me.

So I had some bananas with warm Nutella, and curled up to watch a What Not to Wear marathon in my jammies. Because I'm that cool.


I'm just saying that when that phone comes back on, there better be tons of messages from people missing my company.